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Pat & Adam Show You How to Take a Walk

Wanna take a walk with your friend but don't know all the insider tricks? Let Pat and Adam be your guides. Play the song, click on the slideshow, and we guarantee you you'll be hoofin' it in no time!

Screeching Weasel - Gotta Girlfriend

A Leaked Internal Memo From Blockbuster’s CEO

CEO of Blockbuster Jim Keyes

To:         Blockbuster Staff

From:     Jim Keyes, CEO

Date:      1/9/2011

Re:         Our Existence as a Company

*Confidential

Over the last few years, the platforms available for the distribution and usage of home video have increased dramatically, with Blockbuster slowly falling behind to competitors such as Netflix, Redbox, iTunes, and OnDemand. Last September, we filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy.  I know some of you have heard talk of sweeping branch closings.

Let me reassure you, however, that Blockbuster can put its name back on the map.  We just gotta do something nuts.

I’m talking crazy fucking nuts.

Picture this.  You’re walking down the street, strutting your stuff.  You look good.  White pants.  Maybe a sweater.  All of a sudden, BAM!  You’re surrounded by Blockbuster employees.  You don’t know how they got there, you just know you’re down to party.  The Blockbuster crew starts throwing DVD’s at you, rocking out to Pantera.  DVD’s are hitting you the in the face, you’re catching them in your teeth, it’s pandemonium.  And do you wanna know what happens next?

Those Blockbuster representatives start groping you.  That’s right.  “But Jim, what if I don’t want to get groped?” Well you get groped harder.  All up in your sloppies and floppies. All to some gnarly Pantera tuneage.

And you’re reaching that moment.  You know what moment I’m talking about.  The moment of release.  Your eyes are closed, face contorted with pleasure.  And right when you’re ready to explode, you open your eyes and they disappear.  On to the next soul in need.

Now, I can hear some of you already.  “Jim, are you suggesting that our employees go out in the street, ambush strangers, throw DVD’s at their faces, and then grope them against their will? Beyond being insane, isn’t that illegal?  Who was dumb enough to elevate you to a position of power in this company?”

My answer to those questions is the same answer I gave my wife, Sherpa, when she asked me if she needed breast augmentation surgery: Abso-goddamn-lutely.

I’ll admit, I’m still working out the details of how exactly to implement a plan for a nation-wide street team of Blockbuster employees, fully equipped with DVD’s, ready to ambush anyone at any time.  I’m open to ideas.

I do know we’ll need a shitload of DVD’s.  DVD’s we’re willing to essentially throw away.  I propose we take them right out of the stores.  If a movie hasn’t been rented by anyone in over three years, it goes to the street team.  I’m talking about movies like Coming to America, Son of the Mask, Dragonheart, Dr T and the Women, and, of course, Timecop.

With the competition we’re up against, Blockbuster can only survive if it becomes the “wild card” of home video rental.  We’re building a new reputation from scratch, and it’s going to take some time.  Ultimately, what’s going to keep consumers coming back is the mystery.  You never know what you’re going to get at a Blockbuster.  Pantera?  Sure.  DVD’s?  Naturally.  Gropeage?  Who knows.

This is gonna be the year, guys. We're really gonna do it. I look forward to what the future holds.

Best,

Jim Keyes

CEO, Blockbuster Inc.

P.S. I regret to inform you that you're all fired. Perhaps you should have aligned yourself with a more sustainable business.

P.P.S. Here's a funny video to take your mind off your recent termination!