The Troggs - I Can't Control Myself + Anyway That You Want Me

WHOA.

SLOW DOWN.

Did he just throw 2 songs up in 1 post?

Mind, meet dick.

YOU JUST GOT MIND-FUCKED


Right now you’re probably sitting there, dick in hand, cashmere pants at your ankles, with one question.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

I’ll tell you what it means.

It means you don’t have to stick to posting one song at a time, even though you already set a precedent for doing that.

It means you don’t have to give someone a hug just because their daughter died.

It means you don’t have to stay trapped in a loveless marriage, praying for the day you catch your husband screwing the maid so you can take the kids and move to Portland and be near your mother.

It means you don’t have to drive your car with your hands if you don’t fucking want to.

IT MEANS THERE ARE NO RULES IN THIS CRAZY WORLD.

So, starting today, say fuck the haters. Live the life YOU want to live.

And pull your pants up. Your roommate just got home. I heard the garage door.**

MUSIC RELATED SIDE NOTE:
You really should buy the Best of the Troggs CD (or LP, if you’re an irritating cunt!). It’s great. Besides the two songs posted above, the Troggs also sang "Wild Thing," which, according to reality, is a song that exists.

** You didn’t know you had a garage in your apartment? Well, maybe you should open that closet in the hallway you always thought contained the “water heater.” Because it leads to a secret garage where your roommate keeps his jet ski.***

*** You didn’t know your roommate had a jet ski? You never wondered why he was always leaving the house wearing his lifejacket and Croakies on his glasses?****

**** You don’t know what Croakies are? Come on.

Charles Trenet - La Mer

You know, the word 'boner' gets tossed around a lot these days, but I think in the case of this song, it's entirely warranted.**

I first heard this song about a year ago when I stayed up all night researching how to become an au-pair in Paris. An au-pair, for those of you who don't know, is a hipster who babysits. I had arbitrarily decided that that was the best idea anyone had ever thought of. Why not go to Paris and live with a family? After all, I speak French! (I don't.) I feel comfortable around strangers! (Not even close.) And ninety-nine percent of au-pairs are men! (Yeah...in Opposite Town!)

GOD, WHAT AN EYESORE.


Long story short, I ditched the au-pair fantasy. I did, however, end up going to Paris (after working double shifts at the factory to save up enough money). And it was absolutely beautiful. Not as beautiful as what you see when you close your eyes and listen to this song, but still pretty great.

That's a fairly gay ending to the story. I know. So here's a picture that's not gay at all.

Michael Steele and his white (shocking!) aide.


Stray observation:
I dunno if you watched the video, but it's really cool and pretty until that goddamn kid starts popping up in pictures. Reminds me how much I hate children.


** The criteria being, "Did it give me a boner or not?"***

*** It did.

Crimpshrine - Summertime

AN IMAGINED DIALOGUE

Three ditzy teens in pajamas sit on the floor in a girl's bedroom, giggling.

ZOE: Okay, okay, okay. Truth or dare.
STEPHANIE: Oh my god...truth.
ZOE: You would pick truth. [PAUSE] Okay. Do you think if you killed yourself in heaven you'd go to double heaven?
STEPHANIE: Ahhh! That's so hard!
ZOE: You have to pick one or you'll never marry a hottie! Yes or no, Stephanie.
STEPHANIE: I don't know! Ummm...yes?

A dramatic pause.

Zoe cheers.

ZOE: Oh my god, yes is right! You would go to double heaven!
STEPHANIE: I knew it!
CAITLIN: What does this have to do with Crimpshrine?

Zoe and Stephanie turn to Caitlin, incredulous.

STEPHANIE: Oh my god, seriously Caitlin?
CAITLIN: What?
ZOE: Seriously Caitlin?
STEPHANIE: Caitlin, seriously?
CAITLIN: I just want to know what any of this has to do with Crimpshrine's song "Summertime."

Stephanie and Zoe look at Caitlin and shake their heads.

STEPHANIE: Sometimes it's about the journey, not the destination.
ZOE: Get out of my house.
CAITLIN: But I'm in my pajamas --
ZOE: Seriously? Get the fuck out. Right now.
STEPHANIE: Get out of here, Caitlin. Nobody wants you here.
CAITLIN: I don't have a ride home. My mom --
ZOE: Do you want me to call the police? 'Cause I'll do it.
CAITLIN: Okay! I'll go!
ZOE: Go faster!

Caitlin gets up, completely taken aback, and starts to leave.

ZOE (in a really friendly tone): Oh my god, don't forget your sweatshirt!
CAITLIN: Thanks.
ZOE: Why don't you try thanking someone who gives a shit?
CAITLIN: Okay, well, I'll see you --
STEPHANIE: Buh-bye!

Caitlin leaves. Zoe and Stephanie watch the door to make sure she's gone.

STEPHANIE: Did she look fatter than normal to you?
ZOE: Oh my god she diiiiid...

Stephanie and Zoe laugh for a few moments.

STEPHANIE: Okay, okay, okay. Truth or dare...

THE END

Hall & Oates - Rich Girl

One thing I'll never do here at SPL is post things ironically. Only songs I unabashedly love make the cut.

And I guess that brings us to this.

Let me walk you through what happens when I hear this two and a half minute slice of heaven.

0:01 - Instant erection.

0:03 - I scream at everyone around me to shut up. Sometimes this means berating my girlfriend in the toothbrush aisle at Rite Aid.

0:05 - Commence sing-along.

0:39 - I realize Daryl Hall isn't actually singing about a rich girl...

He's singing about me.

0:56 - I see an apparition of my father. He begins to lecture me.

"Could you be any more spoiled, Pat? I'm asking you that honestly. You're everything that's wrong with America. Why don't you try getting a job? Applying yourself. Oh, I know why! [starts singing] 'Cause you're a rich girl, and you've gone too far but you know it don't matter anyway. You can rely on the old man's money, you can rely on the old man's money..."

1:38 - I join forces with my father's disembodied voice and we sing. Oh, how we sing.

Enjoy.

Magic Sam - That's All I Need

You know how there's some songs that make you stare out the window and contemplate your mortality? This is not one of those songs.

This is one of those songs that makes you walk down the street with a skip in your step, wondering how anyone could ever feel sad. Then you pass a homeless guy with frisbees for shoes and you remember, oh yeah. Babies with AIDS.

But for those brief few seconds...
Fun tidbit: Magic Sam died of a heart attack at 32!

Kicking Things Off!

This song takes me back to when I used to write terrible songs and think they were great.  Then I'd hear a song like this that was ACTUALLY great, and I'd make myself a sandwich with chocolate frosting, take it into the shower, and cry, knowing that we all die alone.