Chairmen of the Board - Give Me Just a Little More Time

WHAT I'M THANKFUL FOR THIS THANKSGIVING

By: Jeremy Hassett

Me (DUH)

Okay, so Mrs. Anderson wants us to write letters to our parents saying what we we're thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Well if she thinks I'm lame enough to write some stupid letter to my mom and her dumbass boyfriend Craig, she can GET FUCKED.  She'd probably like that though.  Haha.

The truth is, I am thankful for some stuff.  I'm thankful that my gay ass mom finally got off her gay ass and bought me an Xbox 360.  I'm thankful that the girls in my year are finally starting to grow boobs.  They've got a long way to go before they look like those internet ladies, though, haha.  I'm thankful that my dog's so stupid he'll eat anything me and Travis give him, and that my mom still hasn't found the YouTube clips we posted of him eating butter wrapped in foil.  I'm thankful for Will Ferrell for being the fucking man and cracking me and my friends up.  Lol.

I'm also thankful for the time I walked in on Travis's mom going to the bathroom.  Her boobs are seriously so big.

As far as things I'm NOT thankful for, well, first on that list would be Craig.  He bought me a baseball glove last week and was like, "Maybe we can play catch sometime."  Uh, maybe you can go fuck yourself, Craig.

Second on the list is Craig's weird ass son Todd.  Seriously, how old is Craig?  'Cause Todd's like 30.  Todd's in some band that plays this super gay music with trumpets and shit.  I'm always like, "Todd, why don't you play cool dark shit like My Chemical Romance?"  And he just starts fucking laughing at me.  He has a super gay laugh, you guys.

The last thing I'm not thankful for is school uniforms.  Seriously, how am I supposed to score slutty public school chicks when I look like a retard?  If I saw myself walking down the street I swear I'd be like, "That kid's hella gay."  At least my mom let me grow out my hair so I don't look like a total douche.  Tracy Rodriguez said I looked hot yesterday.  No joke.

That about wraps it up.  Maybe next year I'll be thankful for more stuff.  Like banging Travis's mom.  Ahahaha I wish.